28 Years of Love

Today is my daughters 28th birthday and I have been working on her present since Friday. Friday I sat in my pajamas and cried as I looked through 28 years of her life in photos. It has been a truly cleansing experience. How do you pick the right photos from boxes and boxes of them to fill a few frames. I love taking pictures and there are a lot of my kids. Anyways, I looked at all the pictures of my sweet munchkin and know....if I have ever doubted doing anything right....that for once I did something very good! She is a dream child. The one everyone wishes they had. I needed this child because she was my salvation during a most tumultuous time. The pictures reminded me of all the good and bad times during her life....the bad times not being evident in the pictures. The pictures show love....and she definitely is full of that. She is one of the most loving people I know on the face of the earth. I have never doubted her walk with Christ because every step she makes is a witness to that fact. She does not judge people and accepts all as they are. It is a good thing because I would have definitely come up short. I like to think I was a good mom....but then I have selective memory issues in my old age. The one thing I am sure of is that for 28 years I have loved everything about her....and today I, on her birthday, just wanted her to know that one simple fact. I love you baby!

I Am A Teacher

Wow! What an exciting past couple of days. My head is spinning with all the new technology I have learned. I have sat through a class on Dreamweaver and Adobe Fireworks. I learned more about blogging than I ever knew existed and there is still so much more to come. I will be attending classes on the Blackboard and podcasting this afternoon and I can hardly wait. It is amazing at all the stuff that is out there for the tech savy teacher of the twenty-first century. Amazing....absolutely amazing is all I have to say. When I signed up for the AETC conference back in April I was really just hoping to get my hours in before school started. We have to have 25 hours each year to keep our creditials current. I usually have way more than that....because to be honest I love learning. I do not ever want to be stale and tired in my classroom so therefore I attend a number of workshops through the year to keep my edge. Speaking of edge....life has an edge...if you don't live your life to its fullest capacity....then you lose your edge and become dull. I never want anyone to tell me I am dull. I want to be razor sharp always. This year is going to be a sad year.....Chad will not be working with me this year. His position has been eliminated and I will be the sole Spanish teacher for the system. I find this very sad....it kind of reminds me of the old days when I was the only teacher for three schools in the system. I hate that education has become such a pawn for Senators and Representatives....in order to get their own agendas passed they use the education budget as their hostage....this year is no different.....oh we talk a good game...we, the people, talk about education like it truly matters...but when it comes down to funding what we preach....well that is an entirely different matter.....that is why I am here....to see what is out there....to dream....our system is losing a million dollars this year......there will be no major technological overhaul....we will do without again....while other states move past us at lightening, internet connecting speed....we will drop down again to the lowest postion in the nation....the bottow 45. We already spend less than most states on our students....we rank lower than most states in most areas as well....yet our senators got a 60+ percent raise this year....where is the justice? How can we draw young beginning teachers to our state when the pay is low, the expenditures are low, ...everything is substandard....yet those of us who have been here forever still plug on....making the most out of nothing....spending money out of our own pockets to see that our students have the necessities and some extras....and by the time we implement the technology that I have seen in action here today....we will be even further behind. It is sad. It is sad that teachers....who teach doctors to be doctors and all the other professions be what they are....are barely at middle class income status. It is sad that pro sports athletes make mega millions....and teachers don't even draw 50,000 a year.....with a Masters Degree. We sponsor clubs, do dances, take care of the cheerleaders....all for nothing.....it is our job.....and we chose it. That is true. I did choose this job. I chose it...because I believed that I could make a difference.....and you know....when I see a student I had 10 years ago....that is successful.....I know I did....even if it is just for one. Oh, not all my students are success stories....I have a few that are guests of the state.....permanently....but those are exceptions. I have students who are wonderful moms....great dads....doctors...lawyers....pro football players....Indian chiefs.....and they are what they are today....because they passed through my life....and my classroom......and I am the better for it. Two roads diverged.....I took the one less traveled....and it has made a major difference in my life. To all my former students....thanks for allowing me to walk with you for a brief time.

A Mother's Dream

On Sunday we celebrated Mother's Day. My husband, Frank, delivered a message that brought me to my knees. It was entitled, "A Mother's Dream" and I just have to share some of it with anyone who reads this.

"One thing we must always remember is that God chose our mother for us and us for our mothers. None of us could make that choice as a newborn baby, but God knew who would be the best for us. God, in His infinite wisdom and knowledge, knew just which mother I needed to teach me those things that He wanted me to know. I am a lucky one....my mother is still here today and I know that at one time she had great dreams for me and for my little brother. In these days....too many mothers are not fulfilling their roles and are not training up their children in the ways of the Lord. I see this sad statement of truth everyday....I teach high school.

I can and do thank God for my mother because she cared for me, taught me right from wrong, and watched over me. Any mother worth her salt lives with a prayer on her lips that her children will grow to be strong, healthy, model citizens who live for God. I know mine did....and here I am today. I am not perfect....but I do live for God. Charles Spurgeon once heard his own mother praying, "Now Lord, if my children go on in sin it will not be from ignorance that they perish and my soul must bear swift witness against them at the day of judgment if they lay no hold on Christ and claim Him as their personal Savior." All Christian parents should pray....we cannot make our kids serve Christ but we have to teach them about Christ so that they can know what the way of Salvation is even if they choose not to follow it.

Frank and I have great hopes for our daughters and we have done and continue to do all we can to help them become the best they can be. It is a life-long job to encourage the girls to learn more, become more, and mature into the greatness that God has placed within them.

I am no different from any other mother....I dreamed of my children becoming doctors, lawyers, astronauts, firemen, policemen, ministers, teachers...or any of a host of honorable professions....of course they had to make up their own minds....just like I had to make up mine....it is my life. I love my job....I love every day that I get up and go be with the high school kids. It is the testimony of the love of a mother that no matter how far from God her children may run...or what kind of life they are living....she never gives up on them.....but continues to hope for their becoming great burns in her heart. I have run from God....and I know it made my mother sad....but I found my way back....and when I did...Oh Happy Day!

Thank God for mothers who never give up on their kids. Thank God for our mothers who never gave up on Frank or me. Thank God for a mother who cared enough to teach us about God. Thank God for a mother that stuck by us when we did not deserve her loyalty.

I want to encourage all mothers out there today to dream big dreams for your children and never give up on those dreams. When times are hard, hang in there and be the strength of your family. When the children push you to the breaking point, hold on to the hand of God and keep walking. You are responsible for raising and teaching your children in the fear of the Lord. Our society today is in trouble because too many mothers have forgotten their responsibility to their children or even have led them away from God and His word.

Dorothy Law Nolte's poem, "Children Learn What They Live" really hits home right now.

"If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world."

AND...if a child grows up in the church and learns the love of God, he or she will never forget it.!

Tears flowed freely from my eyes on Sunday. I want to thank my darling husband for letting God give him the words I so needed to hear.

I love you Momma. Thank you for giving me the road map I needed to find The Way!

The World's Worst Mother Award

In the Waverly bulletin last week I used a wonderful devotional I found online that was a tribute to Mother's. I have thought about it all week and felt like I needed to share it with my readers today.

I am no different from most kids. I thought most of the time that my mother was the worst mom alive. If I could have nominated her for an award it would have been the World's Worst Mother. So I have peeked your interest and you are wondering how is this a tribute to a mother....sounds like a slam to me.....well...it is a tribute. I am who I am because of my mother.... " 1. She made me eat green vegetables with nearly every meal. I now enjoy good health." If I had had my way it would have been oreos and french fries three meals aday. "2. She insisted on the use of a foreign language...."Yes sir and Please." I have good manners now because she taught me this foreign language. " Foreign...because I teach high school and these words are rarely heard in the hallowed halls of learning. The language I hear there is profane and vulgar. "3. She spanked me when I was out of line. I learned respect for the law and officials who carry it out." I think today's children need a little more of that kind of teaching....but parents don't anymore. "4. She required me to do chores and I developed good work habits and a drive to succeed." I hated those chores....especially when my friends were outside playing....and I was cleaning....it was not fair....it just was not fair. I made sure I made my kids do chores. "5. For yelling, "Clean up your pig-pen of a room." I remember one time having to wear dirty clothes to a party...because I did not put the dirty clothes where they were supposed to be.....talk about an object lesson. I was mortified. "6. For forcing me to take typing in High School. I have an enduring practical skill." Although I do not type on a typewriter anymore....I can tear a computer keyboard up. Thanks Mom! "7. For nagging me to continue practicing the piano. I have an appreciation of music." I don't play the piano...that did not take....but I can play the guitar....and sing...and write music....and I owe it all to those agonizing piano lessons. "8. She encouraged me to read. She inspired a lifelong desire to learn and grow." I would still be in college if someone would pay me to be a student. I was also one of the youngest people to ever hold a library card in Palm Beach County's Public Library....I also devour books. I LOVE to read! "9. For dragging me to church ever Sunday. My mother allowed God to literally change my life." And here I am today....a preacher's wife....who would have thunk it? "10. When I wanted to be left alone during a difficult divorce she persisted in helping me care for myself and my daughter. Now, I more clearly understand the meaning of the word love. There you have it. The evidence is overwhelming. She consistently refused to allow me to do whatever I wanted and because of it, I am eternally grateful. My mother deserves to be honored as the "World's Worst Mother' and I praise God for her influence on my life and the life of my daughter. Solomon wrote about women like my Mother in Proverbs: "Her children arise and call her blessed: ' Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise..." (Prov. 31:28-31) Have you given an award to your mother lately?

On Motherhood

Today I want to send a shout out for all the mothers who have sat up all night with a sick toddler in their arms, wiping vomit laced with a hotdog and red Kool-Aid as they said to their upset little one, “It’s okay, Mommy is here.” I have to digress for a moment and tell a story of my daughter Kathryn. I do not do vomit...never have...never will.....one night Kat and I were in the rocker....she had a severe ear infection.....it of course came on Saturday morning....and by Sunday night and through all the old wives rememdies....I was exhausted....and so was she. Anyway, I was rocking her....holding her in front of me....looking at her....pleading with her to please sleep.....when she vomited....right in my face. It was not the cute little baby spit up.....ohhhh nooooo....it was full fledged vomit.....and as soon as it hit my face.....I vomited right back at her. There we both were....crying and rocking....and vomiting....until finally her daddy came and relieved me of my duties....sent me to bed....cleaned her up....and I sank into a much needed sleep. I woke up feeling like the worst mother of the year.....but it has made a great tale for mothers to be and what to expect. I have others....but Kat would kill me if I told them here. Moving on....to the mothers who sat in a rocking chair for hours soothing a crying baby who could not be comforted any other way. To the mothers who have gone to work with spit-up and milk stains on their blouses and a diaper or wet wipes in their purse. For the mothers who run carpools, make cookies, sew Halloween costumes, sit in the car and catch up on bills and reading at ball practices, dance lessons and endless instrument lessons, there will be a jewel in your crown….and for the mothers who can’t….because they are busy supporting their family…..you will have one too. To all the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see and the mothers who took those babies into their homes there is a special place for all of you. This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections hang on the refrigerator doors, I know some of my most valuable work was a Mother’s Day card, complete with drawings, done by my daughter at the age of 5, that proclaimed: “Moms are great, moms are grand, moms are everything but a man.” How profound she was at such an early age. To the moms who have sat on hard bleachers at basketball games instead of cleaning house and responded when asked, “Did you see me, Mom?”….with a smile and “Of course, I would not have missed it for the world,” sincere response. This is for the moms who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them when they stomp their feet and ask for ice cream before dinner. It is also for the moms who count to ten instead, and for the ones who battle with child abuse issues. Anger is a tough thing to overcome….especially if you are the single mom. This is for the moms who sat their children down and explained the facts of life….and for the grandmothers who wanted to, but just couldn’t find the right words. This is for the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat. My mom used to practice FHB (Family Hold Back) and suddenly declare that she did not like apple pie anymore when company would drop in unexpectedly. For the mothers who read the same book twice a night for a year and then read it again, “Just one more time.” In our household it was I Can Do It Myself. I read it so much that Kat knew it by heart. She was also that way about the video of Robin Hood by Walt Disney. For all the mothers who taught their children how to tie their shoelaces before they started kindergarten, and for the mothers who opted for Velcro….there is no shame in Velcro….trust me. Sometimes you have to opt for the easier road. It does not mean you are a failure. My son just refused to learn to tie shoelaces. I think he was in the third grade before he ever mastered the technique. This recognition is for all the mothers who have taught their sons to cook and iron and taught their daughters to change a flat and cut the grass. For every mom whose head turns when they hear the word, “mom” spoken….even when they know their children are at home, at college, or have families of their own….it is instinct. For ever mother who has sent a child to school with a stomach ache…..assuring them they will survive….only to get a call from the school an hour later asking them to pick their child up…..Right Now! For the mothers of children who were victims of school shootings….and for the mothers whose children where the shooters….it is difficult either way. For the mothers of the survivors who sat in horror in front of the television….and hugged their child extra hard when they came home from school. For mothers whose children have gone astray….or runaway….and for the moms who have had to bite their lips when their child comes home with funny colored hair, a tattoo, or a nose ring. To all the mothers who taught their children that peaceful was the only way to handle conflict and now pray daily that their children will come home from the war….alive. Mother’s Day is a special day just for you….it is a time when your children….acknowledge that we are aware of all you do and sacrifice for us. It took me a long time to get that point…..actually….it took becoming a mother…..and realizing….that no matter how much you love your children….they will hurt you….they will grow up and have opinions of their own….they will leave home…..(sometimes they will return)…..but….they love you….just like you love them…..it is that always kind of love. So for all the mothers out there today…..new and old…..I salute you…..without you…most of us would not be who or what we are today. You were our driving force. Thanks Mom!

On Being a Worthy Woman

I got an email this week from a woman friend of mine. It was very touching and made me think about all the things we as women do .....don't do....and bear the load for. I had to share it with those of you out there who read my blog. It is called:

One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

I just had to share this with all the women out there I know and don't know. This was written with me in mind....and I know it probably fits many of you. If I had to choose a major flaw and broadcast it....weight not included....it would be that many times I have lost sight of my worth. Many of us...men included are products of a strong willed parent. I had one of those. My mother is very strong willed and it resulted in me not having any self-esteem at all. I have been singing since I was three....my mom could have been a stage mom for a beauty queen. All my life...I have had to sing on demand. Even today at 54, when my mom says....sing....I open my mouth and out comes a song. It is very frustrating to be treated in that way. My father....now that was a different story....he has always been supportive, loving, kind, and when I was crying....he made me feel as if I was somebody. I never felt like somebody with my mom.....she was somebody....I was her shadow....or puppet....kind of like Waylon and Madame. I was the dummy doll. Oh, my mom loved me....she was just such a strong personality....that I got lost in the shadow of her. My dating life....was not much better....I tended to gravitate to people who were strong personalities...I was the wall flower of most groups....unless music was involved. Then and only then would I shine. I married young....I was 20....and my husband had a very strong personality....and a daughter with one too....Once again....I drifted into the woodwork. It was not until I had my daughter....that the fighter in me began to emerge. I realized....I was somebody....not just Ronnie's wife...and Jeni's mom....I was me....I was screaming to get out....so I went to college...finished....got a Master's Degree.....I had arrived. When my daughter graduated from high school....I went one more step to freedom....I left my husband...and became single. Becoming single....was really just a justification....I had been a single mom a long time....just a married one. Sounds pecular huh? Well....I was a single mom....My life centered around the kids....his life centered around him. At the age of 44 I walked out on 22 years of marriage. I thought I was ready for it....but the first few months....I spent most of my time away from work....in a fetal position crying myself to sleep. I was terrified. I wanted him to miss me....I wanted him to want me back....and it did not happen that way....I drew the line....he did not step across it.....so I had to find out if I truly could do it on my own....the day I signed my divorce papers....I got in my car....with no shoes on....no purse....and found myself out of gas...outside of Tuscaloosa....a very kind employee at a truck stop....fed me, put a tank of gas in my car, and listened to me cry.....and when I tried to send money back....told me....just do something nice for someone else....pay it forward. I have never forgotten that day...I realized that day....I was somebody....worth being friends with....worth being the child of....worth being noted. That was in 2000. In 2002 I attended an Emmaus Walk....I found myself....with the help of a wonderful table of ladies that God put there just for me. He showed me how wonderful life can be....he does not make junk and I am His creation....so I am not junk! I am first run.....I am the best there is. Now, here I am in 2008. The group I sang with opened last weekend for Cowboy Crush....they said we were really good...I have a great husband....who is proud of me....encourages me....supports me....loves me inspite of myself.....I AM SOMEBODY OF WORTH. I AMA CHILD OF GOD! That makes me royalty! PTL!

The Victim

“Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;” Job 13:15,

I sometimes become a victim to my emotions....yep I do...it is true. Often my circumstances stir up my emotions and I respond inappropriately....hey...let's just say I blow it! While my emotions toward my situation are not entirely wrong; they are just not entirely reliable. But you know...I know that my God is.

Adversity, trials, and sufferings are God’s greatest tools for growing us spiritually. However, our emotions sometimes tell us otherwise, making it hard to trust God for a good outcome. I think the reason it may be hard to rely on God in hardships is because I sometimes forget who my God is. I become so focused on what my eyes can see instead of the unseen hand of God at work in my life that I miss the boat entirely. My mom used to tell me it was God building character in me...and after struggling for so long....I would wonder....what kind of character God was wanting me to be.

A prime example of this happened a couple of weeks ago. My parents live with us....so alone time for my husband and I is at a premium....if it even exists. Well....I had been praying for some alone time with my husband....and I got it....just not quite like I had envisioned it. I was thinking romantic....not stuck in a hospital room with my sweetie...strapped up with I.V's and monitors. Two weeks ago, my husband, Frank, came home from work complaining of chest pains. I normally would have blown this off....but Frank has a high pain tolerance....if he said his chest was hurting....he was probably having a massive coronary. This was something to worry about.....and I worry with the best of them. This time I was consumed with all the “what if” questions. What if it’s really a heart attack? What if he dies and I am widowed and alone? What if this trial is a test of faith? Like Job, will I be able to say, “Though you slay me, I will trust you?” I hoped so.

God only eliminates the things in my life that don’t “look” like Him. If there is a characteristic in my life that needs to be put to death, I can trust God will do it and I’ll be better off without it. While my mind may acknowledge this truth, my emotions need God’s grace in order to trust Him in the process.God’s grace is always sufficient. He is enough for whatever I face.

God’s faithfulness has been evident in my past and it helps me trust Him in the present. Like David, Habakkuk and many others, I stir my faith in God by remembering those past victories. David was able to face and slay the giant because he remembered God’s faithfulness in his past battles. Habakkuk, as he prayed about his situation, remembered God’s history with the Israelite children and how He brought them triumph. Remembering the past victories reminds me of just how big and able our God is, and rescues me from any doubt in the present situation. It offers strength, hope, and the faith I need to endure.

It is human nature to fear. But as a child of God, I have got to remember exactly how the righteous live. They live by faith. So I’m learning to say in my circumstances, “God, this is not what I want. It’s not what I planned for my life, but though you slay me I’m choosing to trust you.”

After all the testing....the pain that Frank was suffering....could not be diagnosed as a heart attack. He would live to be my husband for many more years with some behavior modification activities....ie...quit smoking and start exercising. The gray spot on the xray and from the stress test were not visible in the heart cath. The doctors were relieved....as was I. Then, I realized that God not only eliminated the condition Frank was suffering from..... He also eliminated another layer of doubt in my life. In the hollow of that place, a deeper faith in God took root.Instead of trusting my feelings, I’m choosing to trust my God. He is enough both now and always for whatever comes my way. While my emotions are still going to trip me up from time to time, still, I will trust Him. Why—because if something needs slaying in my life, I’m better off without it and God is just the one to make the change a success.

I may not always understand what’s going on in my life. This may not be what I planned, but I will choose to trust God...I am going to rely on the fact that He will help me to see the good in every one of my situations, and He will also bring our the good from within me. I can count on that!