Isaiah 6:8

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Update on Dad and the Five Stages of Grief

(My dad is the second one from the right. The oldest is my uncle Wilson, the next my uncle Cecil, then my dad, then my uncle Drew. They were handsome boys weren't they?) Several of you have asked how my dad is doing....well I guess I have not updated you in a while so I thought today was a good day to take care of that. Radiation is over for now....maybe. We had a CT scan yesterday and have a doctor's appointment on Weds. with Dr. Jahraus at the Cancer Center. Chemo was ended when he spent 8 days in the hospital getting blood. With all that said and done...his hair is almost gone...he just has tufts where it used to be. His eyes are sunken and he has no energy at all. He sleeps til 10:00 in the morning...and goes to bed by 4 in the afternoon. He does not talk a lot. He watches TV...and when you do get him to look at you...it is a blank stare. I miss my father. My dad was a vibrant fun and amusing man....this man in my house right now...is just a mere shell of the man I have known all my life. He does not know what day it is. He does not know what year it is. He still recognizes people....thank goodness for that....but to me it looks like he has quit. I guess I am a fortunate one...Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has written about the five stages of grief and to be quite honest...it could be the stages of a person dealing with a loved one with a terminal illness. She says that,"at some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. The grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. The death of a loved one, loss of a limb, even intense disappointment can cause grief." Dr. Ross says that "sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance. The first stage is denial and isolation. I guess as a daddy's girl I have been hanging in a denial stage of all the things that are wrong with my dad.The second stage is Anger. I have been angry during my dad's illness....angry at the doctors, angry at my mom, angry at Frank, angry at my dad...even angry at God. The third stage is bargaining and oh yes,I have even found myself making bargains with God here. I have promised God all kinds of things...if he would just heal my dad. The fourth stage is depression and I have not been there yet. I hope I can be fortunate enough to skip that stage. Stage 5 is acceptance. It is what it is! My father is 83. His brothers died before they were 65. He is the only living sibling of 6. He is living on borrowed time to quote him. When he says that it makes me laugh...morbid thought...but he is so funny when he says it. Keep praying for my dad, my family, and me.....this is a difficult time for us. I appreciate all the prayers so far...and all the ones that have yet to be spoken.

7 comments:

Kelly said...

Well, I sure hope you can skip the depression stage, but if I were in your shoes I doubt I could. My love and prayers are with you, my blogger friend. They really, truly are. I love my daddy the way it sounds like you do. He's my lifelong hero. The sadness in your heart I can only imagine. Hang in there.

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

What a sweet picture of your Dad as a young boy -- My Dad is 84 now and also fading. We just took him to his older sister's funeral this past Wednesday. He is one of eight children and my grandparents also raised two orphaned nieces with their family. He's beginning to feel left behind now as his close friends and family are passing away. It seems that your Dad is keeping his sense of humor - it's so sad to see them fading away. Sending warm thoughts and prayers your way.

Leigh of Bloggeritaville said...

I am glad you updated. Thansk. And you will continue to be in my prayers!

Belle's Blog said...

I have been through cancer with my dad. You are in my thoughts and I will be praying for you! Love to ya !

Xazmin said...

I love the picture. I hate that you are going through this though.

Remember you and your family are always in my prayers.

♥Trina♥ said...

Thanks for the update. I'm leaving Wed. to go to the beach with the SILs. When I get back, let me take you to lunch one day, kay? Love you!!!!!

Ms. Marty said...

I am so sorry about your Dad. I refuse to tell you that I know how you feel (I hate that statement.), because no two people ever feel the same about something even in similar situations. I have been know to come unglued with people that tell me that when it comes to my son's addiction. Anyway, just love your Dad harder than ever and for as long as you have him. My Dad died at 53 and I was just shy of turning 21. It absolutely devastated me and Momma even had to take me to the doctor for my nerves. Then I lost Momma in 1998 and she, too, had given up on life, even though she had no terminal illness. I think she just go tired. I remember very much sitting by her bed the night she died and asking God that if there was no way she could recover (she had had a stroke a few weeks prior) just to please let her go peacefully and not to have to suffer. About 15-30 minutes later she just went on to be with Grandmother and Granddaddy. I have had some times when I regretted that prayer, but I know in my heat that it was right and God does answer prayers.
I will pray for you and most importantly for your Dad. We never really love them as much as we do right at the end or it seems so to me.
Hang it there. With your faith in our Father, you will make all the steps just fine and probably will skip the depression stage. Hope so anyway.
Love you my blogger buddy.