All I Could Say Was Wow!

The weekend has left me feeling kind of blue. I seemed to just get right down in the pile of funk and wallow. It was my pity party...and I could not seem to muster up a good cry. I just was feeling empty and worthless. Before you get all soft on me I have to share with you what happened to me today. As most of you know I sing at the Arbor....from 9 - 10....then jump in my car and drive to Waverly, AL so I can be Mrs. Preacher at the church my husband pastors. Well....the praise band at the Arbor was trying out a new song today by Casting Crowns...one of my favorite groups....the song was The Voice of Truth...and believe you me...on Weds. night at practice...it was just not there...I left feeling sad because it just did not have what it needed....but today....oh today....God was definitely in the house and in control. We began The Voice of Truth...and I knew immediately...what had been wrong with me all weekend. I was letting those other voices tell me I was not good enough. I know this feeling...I grew up with it. Since the day my little brother died...I have felt as though I was not good enough. I just never quite made the mark for my mom...several years ago...I actually verbalized this to her...and told her I was sorry....sorry I lived and Dougie died. She was horrified...and so was I for saying it. I was ashamed of myself...but I was being honest with her...that is how I had felt for over 40 years...it was almost a release for me to get it out of my system. I just hated that it was at her expense. Anyways...it was a turning point in our relationship...or actually it was the beginning of our relationship. Then she was diagnosed with altzheimers...and we were back at square one. Frank has been great for me...he has let me know I am somebody...and I am worthy to be loved by somebody. Oh what sweet relief to know and believe those words....but every once in a while...those old demons rear their ugly heads....and I find myself struggling to stay afloat...but today...these glorious words just opened up the heavens for me....literally. I was singing with my eyes closed (something I often do to draw into my special music place)...and all of a sudden there was a tremendously bright light. It was so bright I could feel its heat. I thought how odd...because when we sing...there is no bright light that hits me directly in the face...so I opened my eyes...and nothing was any different than it usually is. Odd...I closed my eyes again and the light was there once more...only this time...I felt such a peace wrap around me....it was like nothing I have ever experienced before...I truly believe that I had a moment with God this morning at the Arbor of First United Methodist...and I have felt so special all day. Funny thing...on my way to Waverly United Methodist...with cloudy skies....God blessed me once more with two vapor trails...in the shape of a cross. Talk about special...by the time I got to Waverly...I wanted to shout to the Lord...and I did...in the form of a song. I have a talent that God gave me...and I am delighted to use it for HIM....so sit back and let me share these lyrics and the song with you this evening. God Bless You All Real Good tonight. I know I have been in His presence!

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

And you know what....I am going to do just that....believe the Voice of Truth...and leave those people who scoff at me...alone.