I'll Be Home For Christmas

The words Christmas and family are synonymous to me.  In all of my 57 years I have only spent oneChristmas without my parents once and it was the worst Christmas of my life.  The year was 1979....seems like eons ago now.....and we did not have the money to go see my parents, my mom was hurt and bedridden because of a bad fall, and my grandfather was dying here in Alabama.  Ronnie's parents and family all lived here....and my grandparents did too....but it was not the same as being with MY parents.  It was the bluest Christmas I have ever had and I vowed that year that it would never happen again.  My grandfather died on December 27th and my parents ended up coming to Alabama...but it was not the fun and joyous time Christmas should have been.  The holiday mood was tainted even more.  I found myself singing, "I'll Be Home For Christmas" alot.  You know I could have understood this if I had been in college....or a young myself.  Griefus....I had my own children at the time....two children ages 9  and 10 and was expecting one in June.  It should have been a happy time for me....but it wasn't.  I was not home.  Selfishly I even asked Ronnie if we could afford just one ticket for just me to go home....I was ashamed that I even asked.  I always made Christmas special for my children....and without me here....it would not have happened.  Ronnie's family always had a progressive dinner on Christmas Eve....and if I had gone home...I would have not been part of that....I was torn between wanting so much to go to my childhood home....and staying in my married home.  it was truly a blue Christmas for me all around.  This is my first year since 1979 to find that feeling creeping into my heart again....only this time I can't go home because my parents are celebrating Christmas in heaven....together.  What a glorious Christmas we will all have when we are all united once again!  Then....I'll [truly] Be Home For Christmas!