Isaiah 6:8

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Friday, January 20, 2012

Friday Football Funny

I am not a football fan.....but my husband loves it.  I am glad we have two televisions in our house from September to January.  It bothers me that so many people attend games....and then don't come to church on Sunday.  It also bothers me that many people attend concerts and don't go to church.  This morning Frank shared with me an email that one of our congregation members sent to him and I had to laugh....Not only do I know people that some of these really apply too....I AM ONE OF THEM!!!!!  I hope you will read this and laugh out loud....who may find yourself described in a few of them too.....I would love not to be alone here!  HAPPY FRIDAY!

Christian Football
Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation. ( I can't do this one...I sit on the front row).
Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship. (I have been known to make notes, write poems, write songs, make grocery lists, pack suitcases on paper.)
Half-time - The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave. (I am the preacher's wife....i can't do this....besides...I would miss the music.)
Bench warmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit. (Not Guilty here....I teach Sunday School, teach the youth, sing, pray....I love church....Sunday is my favorite day!)
Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.  (Not easily get to our bathroom or water fountain you have to walk to the front of the church.)
Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work. 
Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings. ( I don't have children....but when I feel Frank is winding down I too begin to put my stuff in my bag.)
Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations. (Frank has done some funny things......but this is not one of them.)
Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime."  (This is not one we seem to have a problem with....I think they would stay the extra time....once in a while....but let's not make it a habit.)
Trap - You're called on to pray and are asleep. (We have sleepers...I am not one them....this is when I write on the bulletin.....Frank never calls on anyone without previous this is not an issue at our church.)
End Run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.  (Again, I sit at the front of the church....and this would be quite a feat if I could accomplish this.....but I am Mrs. Social Butterfly....I love the visiting/hugging.)
Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.  (I think I have tried this a time or two....only to have the next week's sermon be directed at me personally.  I hate it when I feel like Frank is pointing his finger in my face.)
Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.   (Most of the churches in our area just quit trying....and that is sad.)  We still have bible study and choir practice....but attendance is really weak. 
Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.  (Hey....there are only three restaurants in Roanoke....and nine thousand is each man for himself!)


Edie Marie's Attic said...

Oh Karen this is so funny! I am so guilty of 2 Minute Warning and Wes is definitely the one trying to get out of the parking lot. He's Mr Sociable before church service starts but once that service is over I think he's almost on a dead run!! That's when I want to socialize... I like to get in touch with the Master when I enter through His gates and give thanks... oh I could go on and on. Thanks for the great laugh Karen. I'll be thinking of this Sunday morning!

Big hugs, Sherry

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I could not make it without another tv. We don't agree on any television together and I am not a football fan. I might watch with him tomorrow and I will watch the Super Bowl. (Love the commercials!)