Here's Your Sign

I have to be honest with you all.  I love Bill Engvol.  He is the Here's Your Sign Comedian...I have always laughed at his antics and just thought it was a scream when he talks about some of the "Sign People"...until this past weekend when Frank and I had our MOVING sale.  The key word here is MOVING!  You can not imagine the people that stopped at our sale and asked...are you ready?...or yes, they asked it, "Are you moving?"  Well DUH!  That is what the ad in the paper said, the ad on Facebook at the Lake Martin Sale Barn, the road signs, AND the big sign in front of the house.  I wanted to say..."nope...we just wanted to see how many stupid people would ask if we were."  I was good...I did not say that.  Although once I did say..."Moving?  Honey are we moving?"  The couple didn't buy anything...they left quickly.  I felt bad...and then laughed out loud.  Well, I have to say I hate the word stupid....but I have learned that there are people in this world....who are not special ed people...they are just stupid.  They do not think before they speak and for that reason I think stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid"  If they wore that sign then you wouldn't have to rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign." ...I googled stupid...and this is what I came up with.  It was too funny for words and since I am going to be away for a few days thought I would leave you with a funny....or two.
1.  "It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
2.  "A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
3.  "I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "all right Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good...They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
4.  "Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
5.  "We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him."
6. "I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning. No problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign... until he says "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig, then back to him and said, "No I'm delivering a bridge and I ran out of gas....Here's your sign!"
7.  This is my all time favorite Bill Engvol...."a man was trying to open his car with a coat hanger when another man walked up and asked, "Lock your keys in your car?"  The keyless man looked at the other man and simply said, "Nope, I just washed it and I'm hanging it up to dry."  "Here is your sign!"
Happy Friday!....and Don't talk to people wearing signs!  It's dangerous.