Isaiah 6:8

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Friday, March 6, 2009

Zen of Sarcasm

I love sarcasm....especially when I am the one dishing it out. My friend Trina sent me an email today with some priceless comments and since this is Friday I thought I would head into the weekend with some funnies for you all to chew around.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either Just pretty much leave me totally alone.
2 . It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
3. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
4. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment. 11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
And I must add a couple of my own sometimes in life it just is what it is....remember that....Oh yeah...and if a man speaks in the forest where no woman can hear he still wrong? Well Duhhhh! Have a great weekend to all and to all a great Friday!


lagirl said...

Love this.
Thanks for the smile.
I enjoy sarcasm too, unless it's being dispensed by my 14 yr old daughter. Teens are soooo good at it. LOL

jill said...

love it!

just stopping by from Blogstalkers. have a great one!

Anonymous said...

Love #13

Xazmin said...

Thanks for making me laugh! These are great. I'll have to copy them!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Love it!! Great post!

Ms. Marty said...

My goodness. I knew Trina was quick with her come backs and all, but I had no idea she was this talently. Maybe she should take writing monologues for some of the late night TV guys.