Isaiah 6:8

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Life Goes...and Life Goes On

The lady on the left is my mom in better days. The lady on the right is my Aunt Shirley. My heart is broken right now and I really needed my momma to just hold me today, but that is not going to happen...for one thing she does not know why...because I can't tell her...and for another thing...it might send her over the edge and I could not bear that thought. This week we are giving the AHSGE(Exit Exams)at school. Today was my day to be a test administrator. I got up this morning and saw where my cousin Terri had posted on her facebook account that Aunt Shirley was having seizures...and it made me feel eerie. I went to work and told my boss what was going on and prepared to give the exam. We are not allowed to have our phones on us during the test, and since my friend Mary was NOT giving the test today I gave her my phone and told her to answer it if it were from Amanda. The first break came at 90 minutes and there was no news so I relaxed a bit....but the relaxation was short lived. At 10:45 they consolidated the kids who had not finished yet and the assistant principal asked me if I had seen, or talked, to Mary. I knew something was wrong then....and began making my way to where Mary stood. She told me Amanda had just called, she had already gotten a sub for me, helped me get my lesson plans together, and got me out of the building in less than 15 minutes. I actually beat the funeral home to the Bethany House. I was glad because it meant I could have one last moment with my aunt before I let her go. I sat down beside her and touched her arm, it was still warm, and whispered to her to please take care of my dad and brother. At that moment a funny thought hit me...it is strange how humor can sneak in on grief. Since my Uncle Charlie died...my Dad had had two wives, the one he married and the one he adopted. Once when my dad was having open heart surgery the doctor asked him which one of the lovely ladies was his wife...and both Shirley and Mom answered, "I am." What a strange thought at that moment...but now it is reversed...now Shirley is the wife of two men! An era has ended...a lifetime of love, laughs, song, did I mention love is over. She will be sorely missed by all of us. She touched all of our lives in a powerful way and I am struggling right now wondering how we will continue...but continue we will...because that is what she would expect of us. My heart hurts for Terri, Amanda, Linda and Missi tonight because the tenderness of loss is still with me from the death of my father in October. My heart hurts for me because Aunt Shirley was just like a best friend/mother rolled into one package. Her legacy will live on...we will grieve for this great loss...and once again...Life goes...and life goes on! Amen!

4 comments:

Sweet Tea said...

I am very sorry that you are experiencing such loss. we are at a time in our life when we are losing our older loved ones and it is so very difficult to watch their generation grow ill and pass.
May God grant you divind comfort at this time.

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

I'm so sorry for you loss -- It's hard to let go of those we love so dearly -- even knowing that we rejoice knowing they're in the arms of Jesus. I also can relate to not telling your mother. After my great uncle died, everytime something about him was mentioned to my grandmother, she would get upset everytime - because it was the "first" time she had heard of his death. She outlived my mother (her daughter) by three years, but we never told her, for that very reason.

Jacki said...

Oh my goodness Karen! I'm so sorry!
It seems you are in the season I am finally emerging from.
What heartbreak!
I'm praying for you, my friend.
God is with you....and remember that "It came to pass....It came to pass..." IT NEVER CAME TO STAY!
((Hugs))

♥Trina♥ said...

Karen, the last year has been so very hard for you. Sometimes life is so unfair, and we just can't understand why. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Love you!