Isaiah 6:8

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Monday, March 15, 2010

Monday's Agenda - Colonoscopy

I bowled in a bowling tournament this weekend...and the worst part about it was that on Monday I was scheduled for a colonoscopy....which meant all day Sunday I could only have clear liquids. While my bowling partners had the breakfast buffet at the La Quinta where we were staying, I stayed in the room and ate green jello and drank green tea...sounds yummy huh? Well, I will be 56 years old in a few weeks and needed to have a baseline test to make sure everything was running perfectly. I am...first official day of Spring Break...and having a colonoscopy. You all know that cancer has run rampant in my family for the past couple of years so I felt this was a necessary choice. I was not at all sure what this procedure was all about so I went online to find out. I wanted to know exactly what a colonoscopy was. By the time I was finished reading countless articles I knew more than I ever wanted to. A colonoscopy is an outpatient procedure in which the inside of the large intestine is examined. A colonoscopy is commonly used to evaluate gastrointestinal symptoms, such as rectal and intestinal bleeding, abdominal pain, or changes in bowel habits. Colonoscopies are also performed in individuals without symptoms to check for colorectal polyps or cancer. A screening colonoscopy is recommended for anyone 50 years of age and older, and for anyone with parents, siblings or children with a history of colorectal cancer or polyps.
Now comes the fun part. At 6:00 on Sunday night I began my journey into the bowels (literally) of hell. I had to drink this ungodly lemon-lime salty 15 minute increments x 4...and then follow it with 16 oz of a clear liquid of choice. I fixed the prep...and was not too bad....the first go round. I went to bed early...and then hopped up and down all night...gross. By 2:30 this morning...I was exhausted. At 6:30 this morning I had the second round of prep....and on an empty stomach...OMG it is nasty. I would drink and gag...drink and gag...but got it all down...and the 16 oz of clear liquid of cousin, Cindy, picked me up at 10:00 and off we went to get started. I was placed in a waiting room then I was put in a little curtained area. The check in person asked me if I was hungry...what was she thinking...I had not had real food since 7:00p.m. on Saturday night. I would have sold my soul for some food...but to be honest...what I really wanted was a Diet Coke...when it was little sweet nurse,Kendra, came and got me...and set me up for all the fun to begin...the best thing she did...was give me some outstanding amnesia, feel nothing drugs....when I was over. Thank God. But...during my absence from this world Dr. Hocolmbe performed a colonoscopy. During the colonoscopy, an experienced physician uses a colonoscope (a long, flexible instrument about 1/2 inch in diameter) to view the lining of the colon. The colonoscope is inserted into the rectum and advanced through the large intestine. If necessary during a colonoscopy, small amounts of tissue can be removed for analysis (a biopsy) and polyps can be identified and entirely removed.(I had one by the way....and he did remove it.) In many cases, a colonoscopy allows accurate diagnosis and treatment of colorectal problems without the need for a major operation.
For the procedure to take place there are a few rules you must follow:
•You are asked to wear a hospital gown and remove eyeglasses.
•You are given a pain reliever and a sedative intravenously (in your vein); you will feel relaxed and somewhat drowsy. Oh Yes you will....this stuff is awesome!
•You will lie on the left side, with your knees drawn up towards your chest.
•A small amount of air is used to expand the colon so the physician can see the colon walls. (When it was over...I had this strong desire to fart...and could not stop it when I finally Burger King...fortunately we were in the playground section with Braylie and no one heard it. My young male students would have been proud!)
•You may feel mild cramping during the procedure; cramping can be reduced by taking slow, deep breaths.
•The colonoscope is slowly withdrawn while the lining of your bowel is carefully examined.
•The procedure lasts from 30 minutes to one hour.
Cindy was waiting on me when it was over...took me to Burger King for food, then home where I spent the rest of the day in la la land. I woke up, planning to cook supper...began it...and then had to fight to stay awake. I did finally manage to cook a really good meal, Italian pork chops, potatoes O' Brien, mixed veggies and whop bisquits. After eating supper I thought I would sit down and blog...because believe you me...I am not long for this world. If you are over 50 and have never had a colonoscopy...and your doctor suggests you having one...DO IT! The worst part is the prep time...the procedure itself...piece of cake. Colon Cancer is a serious matter...heck any kind of cancer is a serious matter and not something to be taken lightly. I put this thing off for 5 years and I am glad I took care of it today. Do your loved ones a favor and take care of yourselves. Happy Monday!


Jacki said...

oh crack me up!
My dad had this done, and went to Kroger insted of Burger King. He had the same gas attack...went to an isle by himself (he thought)and let go! Only to find out there was a lady stooped down behind him getting something off the bottom shelf. She jumped up and hollered PIG!!!! sooooo funny!

I need to have my baseline, but keep puting it off. grrrrr

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

I know -- I've GOT to do this -- I'll be 55 in June and it's time -- it's really time!

Queenie Jeannie said...

I have had other friends go through this and they all say the same thing - the worst part is the stuff you have to drink and the pooping beforehand!!! I'm glad I have a bit to wait on this fun little endeavor!!!! Can you imagine what would happen to ME????? Now that will be a blog post to remember, lol!!!

Mary said...

I've heard that the worst part is the prep. Something to look forward to as I approach the big 5-0 in a few years! Hope everything went well!

Deb said...

How are you feeling? Glad you got that procedure over and done with.

Just want you to know, I have to plead guilty.

Have not had a colonoscopy yet.

Ok, ok. This summer. I will.

Hope you're having a wonderful week!

Let me know about coffee.

Sweet dreams.

♥Trina♥ said...

ROFLMBO!!!! Not about the procedure but about the BK moment. Oh my goodness...

John swears he'll never have another one because of the prep. After his procedure and while he was still in la la land, he cracked me up telling all of the nurses and the doc that he liked salad. And then he had to go by the radiology dept to tell the guys something, and THEN he tried to call them a couple of times to tell them the same thing. I had the hardest time convincing him the had alreaady talked to them. I don't recall him farting, though. Maybe he did that when I wasn't around...

Hope the rest of your week goes well, and I love the sermon BTW. :)