Isaiah 6:8

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Monday, June 20, 2011

Teach Your Children Well

My nightmare began in September of 2009.  My parents were missing, then in assisted living, then in a nursing home, then my dad died, my mom had dementia....and the list goes on.....but today, today this post is about a warning/plea for all my readers.  Please, please, please....don't do to your children what my parents have done to me.  I know my parents loved me....but right now...I am not feeling the love.  I am feeling frustration.  But, I have learned some valuable lessons.  I am not going to do this to Kathryn.  My affairs will be tied up neatly with a little will taking care of business.  She won't have to be named Conservator of my business and then made Administrator of my Estate and be put in a position where she will have to wait six months to settle my estate and have to purchase a bond.  It seems like it is a never ending cycle.  I was made conservator of my mom's business while she was in the nursing home....but once she died so did that title.  I had to hire another attorney to probate the estate.  There is an ad that has to run in the paper for 30 days asking anyone who has a claim against the estate to submit their claim....and the end of six months I can settle these claims.  So now...we are in limbo.  I have to pick up the bond today and take it to the attorney.  The judge has already approved me as the it is just a wait and see time.  There are not that many bills out there...probably no more than 20,000 worth of medical bills.  There is a house, that Eric, my son is living in, there are some stocks that will be sold to pay the rest of the bills off.  I have been paying her nursing home bills out of her checking account for the past 18 months and that has taken a sizeable chunk of the available money.  Plus....over the past months...there have been little small bills for newspapers, power, water, magazine subscriptions, AARP Medicare Plus, clothes, goes on and on.  My mom and dad were savvy business people back in the day....but age and dementia took its toll on their minds.  Somewhere along the way my parents became afraid and did not want to put me on their checking account or anything else.  They could have put the house in my name years ago....but oh no!  Now, I have to pay for this...and pay for that...and pay and pay...and pay!  I am an only child!  I truly believe that one day a bunch of lawyers and judges got together and said, "Hey...there is money to be made when people die without wills...and we need to get in on the action."  This should have been simple.  No Will + One Surviving Child = Done Deal.  But, alas...that is not the way the legal system rolls.  So, I am off to the lawyers office to TCB.  Sigh!  Don't do this to your children.  My mom used to say, "People who take short cuts or don't take care of business just make someone elses life harder."  I didn't know she was giving me a warning!  Wish I had listened better.
UPDATE - I had a phone call tonight from someone who reads my blog on a regular basis and is the midst of this same nightmare.  She had some wonderful advice, great words of encouragement, prayers and just a sweet spirit.  I knew people read me....but until tonight had little grasp of how much my blog affects people.  How cool is that?


Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

Oh Karen! I'm so sorry for this nightmare on top of all that you've been through the past few years. Thank goodness my dad has put my name on his banking accounts-- sold his house -- and has a will ....think I'll go give him an extra hug.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Karen, I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I worked on my Aunt & Uncles estate and thank God they had a living trust. Even with that we had houses to sell and so many other things to do. Without that living will I would still be working on it now, three years later. We have a living trust set up for ourselves. My prayers are with you. I know this is a horrible nightmare!