Monday's Agenda - Colonoscopy

I bowled in a bowling tournament this weekend...and the worst part about it was that on Monday I was scheduled for a colonoscopy....which meant all day Sunday I could only have clear liquids. While my bowling partners had the breakfast buffet at the La Quinta where we were staying, I stayed in the room and ate green jello and drank green tea...sounds yummy huh? Well, I will be 56 years old in a few weeks and needed to have a baseline test to make sure everything was running perfectly. So...here I am...first official day of Spring Break...and having a colonoscopy. You all know that cancer has run rampant in my family for the past couple of years so I felt this was a necessary choice. I was not at all sure what this procedure was all about so I went online to find out. I wanted to know exactly what a colonoscopy was. By the time I was finished reading countless articles I knew more than I ever wanted to. A colonoscopy is an outpatient procedure in which the inside of the large intestine is examined. A colonoscopy is commonly used to evaluate gastrointestinal symptoms, such as rectal and intestinal bleeding, abdominal pain, or changes in bowel habits. Colonoscopies are also performed in individuals without symptoms to check for colorectal polyps or cancer. A screening colonoscopy is recommended for anyone 50 years of age and older, and for anyone with parents, siblings or children with a history of colorectal cancer or polyps.
Now comes the fun part. At 6:00 on Sunday night I began my journey into the bowels (literally) of hell. I had to drink this ungodly lemon-lime salty solution...in 15 minute increments x 4...and then follow it with 16 oz of a clear liquid of choice. I fixed the prep...and began...it was not too bad....the first go round. I went to bed early...and then hopped up and down all night...gross. By 2:30 this morning...I was exhausted. At 6:30 this morning I had the second round of prep....and on an empty stomach...OMG it is nasty. I would drink and gag...drink and gag...but got it all down...and the 16 oz of clear liquid of choice...my cousin, Cindy, picked me up at 10:00 and off we went to get started. I was placed in a waiting room then I was put in a little curtained area. The check in person asked me if I was hungry...what was she thinking...I had not had real food since 7:00p.m. on Saturday night. I would have sold my soul for some food...but to be honest...what I really wanted was a Diet Coke...when it was time...my little sweet nurse,Kendra, came and got me...and set me up for all the fun to begin...the best thing she did...was give me some outstanding amnesia, feel nothing drugs....when I woke...it was over. Thank God. But...during my absence from this world Dr. Hocolmbe performed a colonoscopy. During the colonoscopy, an experienced physician uses a colonoscope (a long, flexible instrument about 1/2 inch in diameter) to view the lining of the colon. The colonoscope is inserted into the rectum and advanced through the large intestine. If necessary during a colonoscopy, small amounts of tissue can be removed for analysis (a biopsy) and polyps can be identified and entirely removed.(I had one by the way....and he did remove it.) In many cases, a colonoscopy allows accurate diagnosis and treatment of colorectal problems without the need for a major operation.
For the procedure to take place there are a few rules you must follow:
•You are asked to wear a hospital gown and remove eyeglasses.
•You are given a pain reliever and a sedative intravenously (in your vein); you will feel relaxed and somewhat drowsy. Oh Yes you will....this stuff is awesome!
•You will lie on the left side, with your knees drawn up towards your chest.
•A small amount of air is used to expand the colon so the physician can see the colon walls. (When it was over...I had this strong desire to fart...and could not stop it when I finally did...in Burger King...fortunately we were in the playground section with Braylie and no one heard it. My young male students would have been proud!)
•You may feel mild cramping during the procedure; cramping can be reduced by taking slow, deep breaths.
•The colonoscope is slowly withdrawn while the lining of your bowel is carefully examined.
•The procedure lasts from 30 minutes to one hour.
Cindy was waiting on me when it was over...took me to Burger King for food, then home where I spent the rest of the day in la la land. I woke up, planning to cook supper...began it...and then had to fight to stay awake. I did finally manage to cook a really good meal, Italian pork chops, potatoes O' Brien, mixed veggies and whop bisquits. After eating supper I thought I would sit down and blog...because believe you me...I am not long for this world. If you are over 50 and have never had a colonoscopy...and your doctor suggests you having one...DO IT! The worst part is the prep time...the procedure itself...piece of cake. Colon Cancer is a serious matter...heck any kind of cancer is a serious matter and not something to be taken lightly. I put this thing off for 5 years and I am glad I took care of it today. Do your loved ones a favor and take care of yourselves. Happy Monday!