Isaiah 6:8

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Monday, May 24, 2010

Relationship: It's Complicated

I am on facebook and in the little profile box there is a tag that says relationship.  Sometimes people mark married, married and to whom, single....but then there is the one I think is a bit's complicated.  Well duh!  All relationships are complicated.  They involve two people with two different personalities, outlooks on life, and temperments.  What a silly comment for relationships.  I got up this morning at 3 and knew exactly what I was going to blog about today....saw it was only three....and laid back down and had one of the worse dreams I have ever had....and when I got up again at five...had a different blogging topic all together.  I have a blogging buddy who is having some problems with an adopted daughter.....and it is breaking my heart for her.  I never formally adopted a child....but.  When ESD (ex-step-daughter....her title by choice) was 4 years old....AND had been without a mother since she was 15 months old.....I married her father.  I was not even 21.  WHAT WAS I THINKING!  Someone who loved me should have sat me down and talked seriously to me....but they didn't....and to be would not have mattered.  I was in LOVE!  Now here I was...not quite 21...with a 4 year old little girl and a 5 year old little boy and a husband who thought it was ok for them to sleep with us every night.  My honeymoon was over after the first night....when I became....Instant Parent.  Not only was I a mom...but a SAHM to boot.  I was 15 years old than this children in my we kind of grew up together.  ESS and I bonded immediately....I guess it is true what they say about a boy and his mother.  ESD and I.....ummm....not so much.  Our relationship was a wee bit stormy from the start.  Their dad when he left their mom....lived with his sister and her family.  Sister of dad...had twin little girl....and so SHE bonded with ESD...not me!  Somewhere along the way...I thought we had a relationship....I never called them step children....they were my children....and then I had a baby.  I never saw any difference in them.  I loved them each one of them and thought they loved me.  When ESS graduated from high school....he wanted to invite  his biological mom....It hurt me....but I told him...of course (deep in the back of my head I did not believe she would this made me look really good).  SHE CAME!  It was the longest weekend ever. The oldest two married....In Karendom I thought life was great....I had three great kids....marriage on the rocks...but I had three great kids....when Kat graduated from high school I left.  Kat was 18...ESS was 28 (and divorced), ESD was 27 (and also divorced.) divorce ended my world as I knew it.  ESS...lives in the same town I do....and I hear from him...maybe twice a year.  He calls me mom....and was here when my father and aunt died this year....he loves me....he has a complicated life himself....I still feel loved by him.  I know I am not married to his father any more....but I know I am Mom....ESD....not so much.  She and her second husband own land here...near her father.  She was NOT here when my dad or aunt died.  She called me the day my dad died....and told me how sorry she was she could not be here for PeePaw's funeral....I wanted to tell her to not use that word when talking about my dad.  She knew he was dying for a year...was here in this town....working on her land....twice a father adored her...and she did not have time....but the piece di resistance...was when a friend of mine told me they had met...My Ex-Step Daughter.  I had no clue who they were talking about.  You don't divorce children.....or so I thought....but obviously...she divorced me.  Last weekend...she actually came to Kat's college graduation and was SOOOO excited to see me....YEAH RIGHT.  When she hugged me...I felt the dagger being pushed in a little dipper.  But the crowd around us...would never have known.  I kept a smile on my face...and converstation pleasant.  There is a quote that adoptive parents use that goes...."you did not grow under my grew in it."  I used to believe that quote. But....relationships are maybe not so much anymore.  No matter if they are natural, adopted, step, can tear your heart out and stomp that sucker flat....but in the words of the infamous Scarlett...."tomorrow is another day!"  And as parents...that is what we live for!  Thanks for letting me vent...Happy Monday...I know it will be for is my last one til fall!  Whoooo hoooooooo!


Queenie Jeannie said...

Those closest to us have the power to utterly destroy us! Hugs!!!

Mary said...

Aren't females the worst for stomping on your heart? Hope you feel better after your vent; I know I usually do!
Sending out hugs to you!

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

Someone once told me that only those who love deeply bear the scars of this kind of hurt -- and then she said "But would you choose to love less fully in order to not risk being possibly hurt deeply?" My answerr was "no" -- I'd continue to allow the love to be full - even knowing the risk of the pain. So, I bear my scars a little more easily now.