Isaiah 6:8

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My Reality Check Bounced!

Yesterday, I met my parents at the Cancer Center for the final consultation before beginning chemo. I was feeling pretty optimistic when we got there and were called back to wait in the room. Dr. Murphy came in and was pleasant as always......and I relaxed....after a brief question and answer period....and an explanation of squamish cell carcinoma....he moved us into the chemo see what we were facing. He opened a door....and I felt my legs grow roots. There....looming in front of me was the chair that you sit in while the big green monster invades your body. I could barely breathe. They had my dad sit down and went over all the bad things that can happen to people who take chemo.....but don't always.....I did not hear that....all I heard was the bad. We then were ushered into the radiation area....for a simulated version of what was going to happen there. I looked at my watch and realized I had to return to I hugged my parents and left....only to physically bump into dr. Jahraus - the radiation oncologist. I looked in his gentle eyes...and came apart at the seams. He took me into a room...and talked with me about what was happening. I explained...this is my father....I am a daddy's girl.....I love this man with all my heart. He understood....and talked about God with me. Reality hit. Here I was....a professing Christian....and not trusting God at the moment. I was ashamed of myself. Later in the day he emailed me a scripture reference from Jeremiah. I opened my bible in the quiet of my house....and read these words: Jeremiah 29:11-13 - "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I smiled as I finished the passage. Said a quiet prayer for my family.....and then....put on my big girl panties....because God and I are ready to deal with this....and no matter what the outcome.....I CAN, and I WILL seek Him continuously. God Bless the Doctors at the Cancer Center and all the patients that put their trust in them....they truly are blessings of God.


Leigh said...

Bless you. I didnt realize that this was going on. God love you...and your family. What a gift to have a beleiver, an open believer as a doctor. That has to be a blessing within itself.
I am so very sorry to hear this news. But I do hope that you will take comfort in God's divine plan. I pray for your father's recovery and health fully restored. I also pray for you and your family,for strength and peace. I hope that you will find some comfort in these verses below.

Psalm 9:9
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 22:24
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one;he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; Numbers 6:24

"But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 31

Believing, trusting, waiting, hoping...praying for you.
In Christ,
Leigh Bratina

lagirl said...

You are VERY COURAGOUS, and don't you forget it. COURAGE is when you move forward even though you are afraid...My only sister gets test results at the Oncologist today. I am afraid; yet I am couragous, just as you are. You and I will both find a way through God, to deal with what is necessary, because we LOVE our Dad/Sister, and we'll find the strength to uphold them. We CAN do this!! Some days we're just stronger than on other days.


Jacki said...

Those are heavy shoes to walk in !

I did the same with both of my parents, and am walking that road now with my brother. I feel you, girl!

Just keep looking up, and remember that the Bible always said "And It Came To Pass". It NEVER says it came to stay!

Xazmin said...

You and your family are in my prayers. I came over today to let you know I have given you an award because of how much I love reading your blog. Please take care.


babyrocasmama said...

I watched my Dad go through chemo and radiation for metasticized bone cancer. It was horrible. I know what you are going through. I was a Daddy's Girl too (even born on his birthday).

You and your family are in my prayers. And that Scripture is one of my favorites.

Keep the Faith, my friend. The lord has a plan for you.